Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
