I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
