Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
