wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
