Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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