Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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