I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
