i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
