So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
