I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
