I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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