I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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