real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
