It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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