i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
