So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
