Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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