I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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