At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
