Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
