his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
