I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
