Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
