Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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