WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
