we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize