My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
