I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
