I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
