well you can't waste a boner
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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