mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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