Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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