can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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