So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
