oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
