Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
