Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
