If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
