Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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