What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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