and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
