So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
