Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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