i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
