i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
