I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
