mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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