the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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