I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
