A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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