Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
