I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize