he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
