I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
