Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
