we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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