Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
