I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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