I'm lost and stupid without you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
