There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
try to milk me bitch
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
