So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
