girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
