One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We named our party play list daddy issues
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
