So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
