a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
