I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
