the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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