She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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