i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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