you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
