hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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