You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
