Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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