I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
