There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize