Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
