I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
