Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the condom got lost in my hair
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
