come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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