he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
