Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
