Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
