what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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