I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
