But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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