Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
