woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
