Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
