Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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