dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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