So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
