Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
