Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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