So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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