i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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