gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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