i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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