she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
