I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
